It is almost a new year?

...and I lost a pound!  Wowee accomplishment.  Weight Watchers says when you lose a pound you should think of losing a package of butter...not attractive and surely not motivating, I like butter.
This year my major focus is weight loss and I mean to track it here.  Just my feelings about weight loss coupled with hope.  I think that is a crucial element missing from weight loss hope.
"I hope that I lose weight....then I will fit in."
"I hope that this week, I have lost 2 pounds because I was so good this week and the scale will give me hope."
"By losing the weight, I hope to feel better and I am sure I will look better for me (that is the healthy one).

Do you think weight loss equals hope?  I do.  The reverse is true 2012 should be about your hope, love, compassion, peace, no judgement, and really listening.  Listening to my body eating hummus instead of cookies, drinking water and ginger ale, making all my fast food....feeling good.

an aside....I tried to watch Oprah's Life Class on beliefs that are built when we are born to five years of age we begin to believe what people tell us:
"You are stupid, don't do that!"
"Your sister looks way younger, how old are you anyway?"
"Your dad has done so much, why is it that you seem lost?"
"How could you fail that test?  Didn't do your homework?"
(an another aside Oprah would not let he expert speak so I never watched to the end)

Those that believe them I know its hard to shed them, it takes work.  Could weight be the same?

Enjoy your year, I will.  Live!  Live!  Live!
Let us hope 2012 is my year.

...and admit to myself that my life has become unmanageable...

Isn't it funny, when you don't have control, you strive for anything you can control?A woman a I know is ill, back problems plus a bunch of other stuff, older in a home with two generations and because she can't drive she is upset that her every demand is not met.  Boy do I judge.  I am the same.  As my body changes beyond my control now all of a sudden weight loss is of utmost importance?  Why wasn't it before?  Because it just wasn't.  People buckle down and lose weight, they go to the gym, they "just say no" to sweets...and subsequently the weight is loss.  Oh how happy everyone is, Oh how silent everyone was that you were once fat as they say.  That silence is disapproving and as long as I have lived have waited for the dot, dot, dot.  "Man, your face is so pretty." Subtext if only you would lose weight.  "What a beautiful smile." I would even date you if you were 50 pounds thinner.  hmmmm.  I am sure classes at gyms will be filled with New Year's Resolutions of weight loss and I thought resolving to be more compassionate was a goal.

Gone so long..

So I need to be blogging everyday as so much as happened.  I will now promise to myself and those of you who are reading to blog at least once a week.

So visiting Maroc as those who live there so lovingly refer to it...was an experience I should say.  As a plus sized person it is a friendly country...I mean you won't find jeans in your size but you certaintly will find a traditional dress or two and that IS something you can wear.

As you all know when I travel I read all there is to read about the country and usually my go-to travel bible is Lonely Planet but as you well traveled readers know THE FORMAT HAS CHANGED
stage direction break into a Charlie Brown The Great Pumpkin Scream ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  I read for months well from August to November and still could not decipher what to do (aside please change it back).  Anyway one of the things you MUST do in the great city of Fes is to visit a Tannery.

Willis could not make it through even with mint up his nose. You are met by a very American tour guide who has lived where you have lived and by the time you see all of the 11th century activity going on you might believe its a show...but no they still use pigeon poo and ammonia to soften the leather and men cutting sheep skin and beating it in the flow of water below. You can't beleive what is happening and might just go for the first offer on a leather coat of 2,000 USDollars....then you glance across the way at another Tannery with tourists milling about and looking where you are looking and then, if you are wise you snap back to your senses.  THIS IS REAL BUT REALLY A TRAP.

Mohammed was our guide and as I zeroed in on the jacket I wanted none of the womens' sizes fit me. So they fitted me with a mans just to "see my size".  I found what I wanted and asked "How Much?" sixteen million times only to be told 2000 USDollars. "Okay, thanks for the tour it was incredible, how do I get out of here?"  "Okay, Okay, give me your best price." "Hmmmm....300 dollars." "Oh no this is harsh...then the words came out in Maroc that I have heard in America, in Germany, in Guatemala, in India, in Paris, in Mexico..."I have to make 7 jackets to fit you, and you want to pay 300 dollars?" "WHAT!"  I doubt unless it is a size 3 that you have to make 7 jackets but I was focused and just continued down the stairs after a few spewings by Mohammed regarding all the work that would need to be done.  As if, if it were a size 4 he could be done in a jiffy.  Willis thought he had sealed his fate by saying that and was pleasantly surprised and proud of me that I bought the coat anyway and for 300 USDollars. 

so I say all that to say.  Its a problem world wide to be fat, overweight, plus sized and a hard barginer. 

I love my new coat very Shaft meets Matrix.  It was all sewn up in 5 hours and delievered to my hotel door.  Ah the joys of acquistion and the excusing of a very ignorant, unassuming, salesman who thought I might be guilted into paying more for a coat he felt he needed to build from 7 others.

Thanks Mohammed.