It was so nice visiting Long Branch this time around. I arrived later then I wanted to a obligatory stop at Goodwill on RT 17 (no Plus Size section but you can dig). My sister and niece were on a tear through our home cleaning, rearranging, and making things looks just fabulous.
I was not much help at as the sweltering heat rose above 100. I was determined to get to the beach and that I did the next day.
I never feel like disrobing on the beach is abnormal or uncomfortable...maybe because I have overweight my whole life and I have been swimming at the Ocean my whole life so its natural NOT to swim in your tee shirt
I found myself looking and envying the bikinis I saw on the beach.
I wondered were the life guards watching me because they thought I could not swim?
and then I guess I calmed down.
It is a topic I have been thinking about even within my own family. I know my mothers' side well and well some of us are thin, well most of the family is thin, they watch their weight, and the food they eat...the secret conversations around weight...I do wonder???????
Many of my cousins have married men of different races. Does that mean that in order to snag a man who comes from a culture of thin women you have to be thin? I am thinking it might?
One day when I am rail thin, I will write about the days of being overweight. Is it armor? Will it be too late to even bother as age sets in?
Thin is IN. and I will just ride the wave and see where it takes me.
I was not much help at as the sweltering heat rose above 100. I was determined to get to the beach and that I did the next day.
I never feel like disrobing on the beach is abnormal or uncomfortable...maybe because I have overweight my whole life and I have been swimming at the Ocean my whole life so its natural NOT to swim in your tee shirt
I found myself looking and envying the bikinis I saw on the beach.
I wondered were the life guards watching me because they thought I could not swim?
and then I guess I calmed down.
It is a topic I have been thinking about even within my own family. I know my mothers' side well and well some of us are thin, well most of the family is thin, they watch their weight, and the food they eat...the secret conversations around weight...I do wonder???????
Many of my cousins have married men of different races. Does that mean that in order to snag a man who comes from a culture of thin women you have to be thin? I am thinking it might?
One day when I am rail thin, I will write about the days of being overweight. Is it armor? Will it be too late to even bother as age sets in?
Thin is IN. and I will just ride the wave and see where it takes me.
Weight knows no race. Plenty of overweight people in all cultures.
ReplyDeleteFunny, I often envy rounder women. I imagine they eat without remorse. They enjoy their food without thinking about the repercussions.
It's not necessarily so much fun being thin. I think about my weight constantly. I struggle with self loathing thoughts. I struggle to enjoy my food (I LOVE FOOD) without wrecking the experience with guilt and calculations. calories dominate my thoughts... Every bite I put in my mouth is a conscious decision.
I would love to not care. To just eat. To embrace an extra pound or two. To allow an extra curve or two.
I HATE being in a bathing suit. I dread disrobing. I visit the ocean in colder months when I can walk the beach in clothes. When I do have to go to the beach in a suit, I spend the entire time cringing, thinking self depreciating thoughts and wishing I could put clothes on. I'm jealous of the girls in their suits too, but I'm jealous of the heavier ones as well as the thin ones. I'm jealous of anyone that has embraced themselves enough to just enjoy their moment in the sun.
It's not a thin vs fat thing, I think. I think it's a learn to love the skin your in thing. I'm glad to know that if all else fails, it will get fixed in paradise (my view of myself)
A final thought. Your comment about the lifeguards brought back a memory. My best friend is large. She always has been (except for a brief phase where she literally starved herself thin. It didn't last.)
The thing about my best friend is, she has always been one of the most physically fit people. At her peak, she was weight lifting 4 times a week and running 5-10 miles a day. Every day. 5-10 miles.
She was still large.
She decided to try a marathon. She went to a running shop to buy herself new sneakers, and was told by the owner that she was too fat to run a marathon. She was devastated and embarrassed and decided not to run.
I was devastated for her. It took a few weeks, but I finally convinced her not to let his horrible prejudice rob her of what belonged to her (the experience of running a marathon.)
She ran it fabulously. I was so proud of her. She had a great finishing time, too.
I have no idea what your lifeguards were thinking, but we need to educate ourselves and our children that any kind of prejudice. Any kind of assumption based on superficial things. All of it is unacceptable. We all need to love each other. Anything less is a waste of time.
What a fabulous conclusion you have drawn. It never occurs to me that thin women may have issues disrobing. Your body is what it is....that particular hot hot hot day a bikini would have been grand to have that day instead of bathing suit that sole purpose is to cover up, when all we want to do is take off. You know what I mean. Who might be interested in a
ReplyDeleteLong Branch Self-Aceceptance Day....where what you want thong, flip-flops, bathing suit cut out your thoughts....
you are beautiful.
ReplyDelete