I should be sleep or studying I can not seem to do either. Owning the last entry on afterthoughts...I have been thinking. Support is important no matter what form and maybe I am not as great as I imagine and the minute I think I can not learn which I have so much more to learn and share with you...means I should quit it all...so with that, I still stand by my decision to choose to teach rather than fall into something. I can not wait for another opportunity to express my interest in getting and staying fit. I feel so much better knowing if a person is an afterthought....a second thought it is really okay as long as in the persons' mind they are themselves...unique, amazing, and courageous. I think of this as I am going through some training this week and the loving encouragement of every Zumba instructor who supported me in feeling like I could do it...love to Kathryn, Catherine, Tanya, Claudia, and my absolute fave instructor Ali Ramirez and her very wonderful husband who will only speak to me in Spanish Charlie.
Gracias por todo.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
WOW.....My thoughts on afterthoughts
...when you hear the word afterthought what comes to your mind? Possibly, something you just recalled? Something of less importance than your original thought? Does this term leave a negative ring in your head or a positive one?
....well. I was an afterthought when planning something I really want to be part of. I categorically would not teach at certain gyms because they choose less experienced teachers than me...why? Because they, in my opinion need their classes covered and ALWAYS ask Willis before me. This process is upsetting. I am a good instructor, a great one, I think and I am open to improvement. However, simply because you want your instructors to look a certain way is EXACTLY the reason why they don't hire me...or maybe there is a reason...can you readers who have taken my class offer me feedback? Getting back to an afterthought; me as an afterthought. Someone offered Willis an opportunity in Zumba and said I can participate if I want to maybe they meant because I don't participate on stage with other instructors....maybe there are other reasons...but the word was Willis' afterthought...if I was not an afterthought he wouldn't have used that word. I know this is a powerful entry but it is my intuition telling me this and interesting enough when Willis told me he had this opportunity I felt not included...then my intuition was confirmed when he said "....they said you could be involved if you wanted to..." His explanation is if I wanted to meaning my choice. Nope. If you wanted someone included, even on the playground at 4 years of age you would pick them for your team...especially if you knew you wanted to see what they could add. I suppose we will see. I would like to be part of this even even if its passing out water....and that may be all I can do.
....well. I was an afterthought when planning something I really want to be part of. I categorically would not teach at certain gyms because they choose less experienced teachers than me...why? Because they, in my opinion need their classes covered and ALWAYS ask Willis before me. This process is upsetting. I am a good instructor, a great one, I think and I am open to improvement. However, simply because you want your instructors to look a certain way is EXACTLY the reason why they don't hire me...or maybe there is a reason...can you readers who have taken my class offer me feedback? Getting back to an afterthought; me as an afterthought. Someone offered Willis an opportunity in Zumba and said I can participate if I want to maybe they meant because I don't participate on stage with other instructors....maybe there are other reasons...but the word was Willis' afterthought...if I was not an afterthought he wouldn't have used that word. I know this is a powerful entry but it is my intuition telling me this and interesting enough when Willis told me he had this opportunity I felt not included...then my intuition was confirmed when he said "....they said you could be involved if you wanted to..." His explanation is if I wanted to meaning my choice. Nope. If you wanted someone included, even on the playground at 4 years of age you would pick them for your team...especially if you knew you wanted to see what they could add. I suppose we will see. I would like to be part of this even even if its passing out water....and that may be all I can do.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Afraid to sweat?
A friend and educational mentor of mine brought up a wonderful point...is it reverse judgement to "hate" thin people who can exercise and look good sweating? I thought...is is prejudice, is it wrong? Well, I suppose to hate anyone is wrong, envy is too. ...and really who is looking. I think she looks great and is doing all in her power at this moment to be healthy. I wonder though, like the discovery of one diversity expert "racism is only something that can be imposed upon a group that is disempowered" I would say the same is true for thinner people whether they be children, men, or women...or teenagers. If you are thin the wind is at your back in many situations. It isn't okay to "hate" them but really do they care? A woman once said "soon you will be scanning the room to see how you rate among the woman in the room...are you the youngest, thinnest, what is everyone wearing?" I am not sure that doesn't happen to all women especially those that are overweight, curvy, plus sized etc (still have not found the right word)...
When a woman is thin. When a woman is the thinnest...she may act as if you are not competition if you are overweight. Taking me back to my theory about homosexual men and heavy women (for another day)...oh well if you insist briefly; many gay men have overweight women as friends unless the gay male is high profile, wealthy in a sense untouchable then he possesses a confidence oh I don't know my theory was that a gay male or male that is coming out befriends an overweight woman because other men and women will know that he "couldn't be serious about actually liking her right?" Everyone will know he is available. This was my theory in my younger days and I still wonder. I wonder if you have noticed these things...I am just self conscious always wondering always pondering thinking weight is everything.
When a woman is thin. When a woman is the thinnest...she may act as if you are not competition if you are overweight. Taking me back to my theory about homosexual men and heavy women (for another day)...oh well if you insist briefly; many gay men have overweight women as friends unless the gay male is high profile, wealthy in a sense untouchable then he possesses a confidence oh I don't know my theory was that a gay male or male that is coming out befriends an overweight woman because other men and women will know that he "couldn't be serious about actually liking her right?" Everyone will know he is available. This was my theory in my younger days and I still wonder. I wonder if you have noticed these things...I am just self conscious always wondering always pondering thinking weight is everything.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Alvin Ailey...sigh
Number one this isn't a rant on Ailey...but I have to say...I am wondering why the five we must vote on were chosen maybe I wasn't inspirational enough, but the five Ailey has up as inspirations sort of left me wanting. I really wanted to win that contest, tell my story and Ailey's place in it. Not one person is overweight, I know you might say the lady, her name escapes me is I love this "a little chunky" but DAG, I drive 2 hours to take a class. I might examine the possibility that I did not write enough, but you did have to send a photo....and why I wonder. Ah the world of dance. I certainly am not going for auditions for the American Ballet company but DAG. Ailey? Hmmmmmmm Check out the Fab Five they call them and WHAT SAY YOU?
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